healing. (the dissonant grids finale)

Hi folks!

It's been a while since I last posted. More on that down below. But right now, I need to make a big announcement. 

With this puzzle, I am sunsetting Dissonant Grids.

There are a few reasons for this, reasons I hope to get across in this post. In short, the blog has served its needs, and now it's time for it (and me) to move on.

I created this blog for a couple of reasons. At first, I only had the idea because I was bored in chorus class, and during a lecture I scrawled something on the back of a piece of sheet music. Unfortunately, I've lost that page, but to the best of my memory, it looked something like this:

That was late spring of 2024. I booked this Blogspot domain that May and let it sit empty, but I kept chewing on the idea and name in the background. 

I thought a lot—and I mean a lot—about what I wanted this blog to do. At first, my thought was that it would use the Dissonant Grids Techniques (that is to say, making your solver feel non-joy emotions) to make political points. Here's an early grid draft that's been sitting in my Ingrid folder for well over a year:

HOMOPHOBIA anchors the bottom, surrounded by utterly shit fill like COPOLYMER and TAPERINGLY.  as you work upwards (following a backwards PROGRESS), the fill is supposed to get better, leading to SEX POSITIVITY. Ah, the "two sides!" (??) This puzzle is complete horseshit, and really weird for a sophomore in high school to be making, but it had the ideas in place. Dissonant Grids would be a place for me to make puzzles that made people feel things, to make people understand my beliefs.

Beyond that, I hoped Dissonant Grids would get me noticed. I had been a dedicated cruciverbalist for over two years at that point, and though I had a few published puzzles, some crossword friends, and some tournament experience, I felt like I really didn't fit into the community. This feeling has been something I've grappled with for awhile—the crossword community is filled with young people, so everyone assumes its youth-friendly by default, and, in many ways, it is! People are kind, welcoming, generous, and enthusiastic. I am so grateful for everyone's support. But every single person I met was still older than me, and that meant we couldn't be real friends, and in many cases, I thought it meant they couldn't respect me. 

I needed some sort of validation. Some sort of proof that I had crossword skills. Or else, I thought, I would quit. 

So Dissonant Grids was born as a place for my political beliefs to exist, yes, but it was also born as a  place for me to show off, for me to get noticed. 

It was August of 2024 when I came up with the idea for the 5 stages of grief puzzle (Dissonant Grid #1). I knew I had a masterstroke on my hands, so I started getting serious about the blog. The puzzle was not political, but that was okay. I thought of it as proof-of-concept. I launched the blog that December without much planned out. It'll get political soon, I thought.

The reaction to the blog utterly stunned me. I expected a handful of solvers—my close friends. Instead, that puzzle was solved thousands of times from people on five different continents. Praise rolled in like an avalanche, earning me writeups on my favorite blogs and constructor spots at the rosters of my favorite indie venues. It immediately met my craving for attention. 

The next puzzles rushed out of me like a waterfall. In January, I had months' worth of ideas on tap. I noticed they were mostly about mental health, and not politics! Okay, I thought! That's the direction the blog wants to go! I tried a political puzzle with "two not touch: an angry touchword vignette," which was easily my least favorite of the puzzles and also the least popular. The blog steered more and more towards mental health and away from politics. 

The puzzles have continued to flow out of me. I still have a document full of ideas for dissonant grids that will never be realized. (some of that is due to time constraints; I have been so so busy, hence the lack of puzzles this fall). 

But if I still have all these ideas, why sunset the blog?

My rise in crosswords occurred at the same time as my decline in mental health. In much of high school, the only thing tethering me to this world was my love for puzzles. Crosswords were a reason to stay alive.

For that reason, it felt only natural to make puzzles that reflect my mental health journey. And I've done that! Dissonant Grids 2&3 are about depression, 4&4.5 are about suicide, 6 is about therapy, and 7 is about anxiety. I am so grateful to all who solved these puzzles and saw some of themselves. They were so cathartic to make. 

Mental health journeys never truly end, but the beautiful truth is, mine feels like it has. Thanks in part to the crossword community, I have recovered from most of my struggles. I have undergone not "healing?" but "healing." For that reason, it felt disingenuous to keep posting puzzles about mental health struggles I was no longer experiencing. 

I am ready to move on. To make the puzzles that reflect how I'm feeling now: happy, fun, difficult, queer, interesting, punny, filled with references to British comedy and other niche interests. 

I am ready to make normal puzzles. I feel comfortable knowing that I am a known, successful crossword constructor, with friends, fans, and collaborators. It's taken years, but I know I have made it.

Dissonant Grids has been the greatest journey of my life. I have learned so much about crosswords and myself. I truly mean that. I have never been prouder of anything. This blog has shaped my relationship with crosswords, and I hope it has shaped yours too. This blog will remain up for anyone who might need it. I truly believe it's been an experiment into the future of crosswords, and I want it to remain accessible.

A blog that was meant to be viewed a few hundred times has been viewed well over fifteen thousand. I do not understand how I get new visitors every single day. To each and every one of you, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you eternally, returning the warmth you have stoked in my heart.

I hope you'll stay with me as my puzzle journey continues. 

The puzzle below is a fresh start.

Healedly, 

Owen